A RADIATION INTERLUDE : SPRING IN THE HEART FROZEN FROM WINTER

Janis Joplin once sang, “Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose.”

Rumi wrote, ..”Love and this is God.”

::

Love is all I’ve ever believed in.

and

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose.

::

I choose love. I choose freedom.

::

Now my own words are caught

Choked up between utter splendors of breathtaking joy

::

And shudders of anguish coming from a cavern so far inside

The cave of human aching and longing that this place

–it is nameless.

::

Thus my name is no one

I am nowhere.

::

Yet I feel I am all at once.

::

There is nowhere to go from here, yet-

There is limitless potential in all seen and unseen

::

as I am darkness who wishes for a candle that I know must exist.

::

How can the human heart catalyze in the midst-

Between radiation clouds and storms reeking of death

And the glorious splendor of Creation and all unknown?

::

Where is one to go from this place?

This time stamp of gravity, human degradation

Of both nowhere and foreverness?

::

I am the quivering drop of radiation that turns

Into living art, life, music….

Love.

::

As I am also each suffering heart

And I am that suffering transcended—

::

As THIS IS THE GAME.

To suffer without suffering

::

Monks know…

::

The burning in the heart for

Freedom, the crying out for

Justice in this forsaken world

IS the proof and answer of God.

::

How is such suffering bound to joy?

As the wounded are bound to the wound.

::

I do not see the stitch marks

Yet I felt them as I was stitched into this illusion

::

And scars do not lie…

But tell a story all their own.

::

Of wrapping Infinity and binding it within

Mortal flesh to suss out this whole situation.

::

Of creation exploring itself

::

The suffering is bound to the joy

By scars of love,

It is but for us to find

::

All the perceived suffering IS love

Maybe not yet revealed to us

::

Simply potentated darkness,

Awaiting light.

::

How can this ache be gOd?

This ache I feel is the answer to

My calling for gOd to end suffering

::

Through each of us that gOd does appear.

::

Yet we doubt!

We scoff that such narrow human longing …

::

Could be genuine fractals of gOd

Spinning through the Universe…through all that is…
into and through even us

::

We brush aside gOd everyday to search instead for the Illusion

To busy the self with ‘real life’ dishes, sorting and tasks which seem

Oh so important!

::

But….

Where is the Dreamer this wanderer whispers?

::

The Dreamer lives on

In each of us—

Where we left him.

::

Sitting maybe

On a childhood creek bed…

Beneath the languid boughs of  trees and space

::

The Dreamer casts webs into our dreams

Never giving up

Never packing up his gear to leave

::

In hopes that within the ripples we may awaken

To Remember

((and dream of greater things))

::

gOd is present in these tears.

::

The Dreamer cries

for all who don’t dream along

::

gOd is present in all desperation

::

And these tree boughs reach up with

Natural uplifting joy

::

They bravely and without concern

Praise all Creation

::

Dancing with the wind as long known lovers

Effortlessly showing gOd to all

NOW…

::

As I wish to do.

::

Yet this human condition has cast shadows

About everywhere in conscious reality

::

Leaving the brave fearful to love

And the loveless fearful of bravery

Be the humble host to love

Or even admit this aching longing.

::

“Take this longing from my tongue,

all the useless things my hands have done..”

::

My spirit—it raises to dance

In, amidst, and beyond moon beams

Dizzying reveries and dreams

Between the stars and lighting bolts

::

with

The ballet of the Unseen

::

to

The score of the Unspoken

::

Played out in a Universal

Galactic show.

::

I bravely reside in between

Reveries and dreams

Casting my net for all Dreamers

To join me,

Freely.

::

Each cut through this illusion

Brings closer another piece of gOd.

::

Hardly breathing

I realize each piece of oneself

Brought into this world

Eases the distortion

Of my aching human heart

::

Thus brings gOd to life,

Now–into this time-space.

::

I am shattered save for my calling

My narrow human longing

Mixed infinite space and stars

::

I am a beautifully shattered fractal of Creation itself.

::

gOd exists in ALL desperation

Even though hardly another soul believes

They are also potentated fractals of gOd.

::

It is between the heartbeats

And tattered breaths

::

The Cosmic Heartbeat does not

Extinguish with this mortal life

::

But beats on eternally

Infinite.

::

One…one…one…

Can you feel it?

One…one…one…

::

If I were naked in your presence now

Would you be moved to speak?

::

If I am dumb beside your body

It is because of this One I hear…

::

And as my soul IS …naked

Amongst these words

Now!

::

We are but offerings–Beloved

It is my soul that you put on

::

And walk out the door wearing

::

Never knowing that I cried in it

And my tear stains have dried,

yet changed the very fabric of this soul forever–

::

You’ll never know

that

I cried out to the Beloved

I cried out to Creation–to belong again.

::

It is your soul that I myself wear…

And move into the next moment with

Fresh new awareness

::

These moments they pluck

Out the heartstrings

Of immemorial prose.

::

Although my own heart

Long ago froze

In the frigid winters’ longing

::

Yet Spring…

it always comes…

::

Spring always comes!

although among the sheets of snow
one could never again imagine the rich blooms of spring

::

I am SURE God exists

::

How else could a heart so fragile
support billowing blossoms again…

::
by adding only Sun, and water?

::

Add Sun and water to the soil of my spirit

Creation knows what to do.

::

It is that simple for the aching heart as well

::
it is that simple
just add Sun and water to the soil of my heart
… and wait.

::

These words seem to me strangled

And flowing at once

::

How else could they matter at all?

Who would use them?

Who would need them?

::

The winged seraphs of Heaven have left me here

A tangled and twisted sepulcher of a poet

::

Trying only to breathe thru time…

To reach space

As the breath alone is the word of gOd.

::

With wisdom abound

Seemingly even I cannot reach

And hardly comprehend.

::

God is present in my stretching

To untangle the illusion thru the veil of this mind

::

If I were your most beloved

Would you bind me further or free me?

::

Others feed me as I have lost the will to eat.

Others bathe me as I have lost the will to move.

::

There is no one who comes to kiss me

((that detail has been overlooked))

or is not considered essential.

::

I am a beautifully lost and mysterious fractal

Who has lost the will to find you…

::

But there is no one who can come– able to free a frozen heart,

This must be done with caution and gOd.

::

God please add water and Sun,

I will wait.

4/10/11


musing by Sofia

One thought on “A RADIATION INTERLUDE : SPRING IN THE HEART FROZEN FROM WINTER

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